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Survey: What is your idea of a perfect day ?????
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8.15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
8.30 - Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
8.45 - Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9.15 - Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10.00 - Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
10.30 - Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12.00 - Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12.45 - Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg
1.00 - Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3.00 - Nap
4.00 - Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer
4.15 - Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5.30 - Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
7.30 - Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
10.00 - Hot shower (alone)
10.50 - Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11.00 - Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11.15 - Fall asleep in his big strong arms
_____________________________

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6.00 - Alarm
6.15 - ********
6.30 - Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7.00 - Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked chicks with big ****
7.30 - Limo arrives
7.45 - Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9.15 - Flight in personal Lear Jet
9.30 - Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (******** en-route)
9.45 - Play front nine (2 under)
11.45 - Lunch Pie, chips and gravy, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12.15 - ********
12.30 - Play back nine (4 under)
2.15 - Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
2.30 - Fly to Monte Carlo
3.30 - Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
4.30 - Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
5.00 - Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
6.45 - ****, Shower and Shave
7.00 - Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marajuana and porn legalized
7.30 - Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Icecream served on a pair of ****
9.00 - Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day;England beat Wales 31-0
9.30 - Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies) 9.31
11.00 - Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale
11.30 - A nightcap *******
11.45 - In bed alone
11.50 - A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

You would be right by your perfect day but what guy would want that as his perfect day? You left out the part where he plays with his guys and he doesn't have to yell at one of them to stop picking on the other. :p
However it is, it's still funny.

EDIT_
4:30 am hit snooze
4:39 hit snooze
4:48 get out of bed to get dressed
4:55 wow, no bad hair day!
5:00 leave home for work
*driving* wow, no rubber neckers causing accidents and no crappy drivers.
5:30 clock in to work and not hear anyone b**ch about how much their job sucks for the next ten hours.
4:30 time to leave for home
*driving* yeah, no accidents or police causing a 10 mile backup!
5:15 back at home
5:16 open up a beer
5:30 hmmm, wife still isn't home, guess it's time to start dinner for her and the guys before she gets home.
5:55 wife is home with guys (she had a great day and gives em a hug) guys were good at daycare, no fights.
6:30 time for dinner
7:00 dinner is done and everyone rinses their dishes and puts them in the dishwasher.
7:15 guys get ready for bed as I get some comfy clothes on
7:30 piggy backs to bed and time to tuck my babies in
7:45 guys are in bed
7:50 put on a movie and actually cuddle with the Mrs. for more than a minute before she pushes me away
10:00 time for bed and cuddling with the Mrs.
10:03 the Mrs. pushes me away to lay alone
10:05 the Mrs. starts snoring asleep
somewhere after 11:00 pm she stops and I finally fall asleep.
2:15 am youngest guy wakes up just so we can put her back in bed
4 am she gets up again and so does the oldest guy so we can put them back in bed
4:30 BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

Little Tony?
Little Tony

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little TONY.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little TONY says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobblingdown the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the icecream.
Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbleddown the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little TONY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
LITTLE TONY ON MATH (Part 2)
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x3,'' I said '6', replies TONY.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?''

'What's the ******* difference?' asks the father.

'That'swhat I said!'

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school! , and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

TONY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful.'

Little TONY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a ********.' LITTLE
TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in classone day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go tothe bathroom.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'

The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use inthis situation.
The correct word you want to use is'urinate .'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allowyou to go.'

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger ****, you'd be a TEN!'

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just ******* beautiful!''

! LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the! 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little TONY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at atime?'
Little TONY answered, 'No, he minded his own ******* business.

I Love Little Tony!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good ones but only because they are actually Little Johnny jokes. Littel Tony just does not have the same flair. Great none the less. Thanks

Edit

The last one is new to me and just hilarious. That one can stay with Little Tony in my books

Which joke is the best?
A guy walks into the bar and orders 9 shots of tequilia. So the bartender pours nine shots and the man downs one after the other.

"Holy ****!" the bartender exclaimes "That the most tequila I've ever seen anyone drink that fast before - whats the occassion?"

"My first ********" the man anounces quite plainly.

"Well" the bartender replies "let me buy you another!"

"Listen, if 9 doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, another one won't help.

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the biggest ****.

A woman pregnant with her first guy paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office. After the exam, she shyly said “My husband wants me to ask you…” The doctor interrupts “I know… I know…” placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.” “No, that’s not it…” the woman confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

I like the first and third one..haha very funny..good job..the second one isn't as good..First one is my favorite lol...

Little harry.........................…
LITTLE HARRY ON MATHS (Part 1)

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Harry.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'>

Then little Harry says, 'I have a question for YOU Miss Rogers'.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little Harry replies, 'The correct answer is 'The one with the wedding-ring on, 'but I like your thinking.'

LITTLE HARRY ON MATH (Part 2)

Little Harry returns from school and says he got an 'F' in arithmetic.

'Why'? asks the father.

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3', so I said 6', replies Harry.

'But that's right' says his father.

'Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3 x 2'

'What's the f....in' difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said' replied Harry.

LITTLE HARRY ON ENGLISH

Little Harry goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words in our class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Harry says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, Harry, that's a real mouthful.'

Little Harry says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a ********.'

LITTLE HARRY ON GRAMMAR

Little Harry was sitting in the class one day.

All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to go take a p..s!!'

The teacher replied, 'Now Harry, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to is, 'I need to Urinate'.

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'

Little Harry thinks for a bit, and then says, 'YOUR'E AN EIGHT, but if you had bigger ****, you'd be a TEN'

LITTLE HARRY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it.'>

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael.

'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautifully.'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael, excellent.'

Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Harry.

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f....in' beautiful'.

LITTLE HARRY ON GETTING OLDER

Little Harry was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th bar, a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little Harry replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time'?

Little Harry answered, 'No, he just minded his own f...in' business.

I LOVE Little HARRY !!!

i heard them as little johnny.

The perfect day for him?
6:00 Alarm
6:15 ********
6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (******** en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 ********
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude
who also bend over a lot showing their growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson
(bending over showing her growler, naturally)
6:45 ****, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of ****
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV
as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap ********
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

Really stupid!!

♥♥We Love You Michael!!!!♥♥

Should i have sex, i'm 14 years old and i just need some real answer?
Hi, im 14 and i have given hand jobs, blow jobs, i have been fingered and given 2 tit wanks :L so i just wanted to ask do you think i should have sex? i know i am ready. and my boyfriend really wants to :)
does it hurt? what does it feel like? some of my friends have had sex and they said it was really good, and the bigger the cock the better, haha i must be lucky because my boyfriend has an 11 inch :L anyways, so should i have sex or stick to what im good at..deep throating? ;)

You are so gross...and obviously nowhere NEAR the responsibility of having sex. I know that this probably sounds harsh, and I'm sorry if it does, but those are disgusting things for a 14 year old to be doing.

And oh, protection doesn't always work. You could still use a condom and birth control and STILL get pregnant, yes PREGNANT. And do you really want your life to be thrown away like that? It limits your education and your future, all because you were being stupid at the age of 14! And yeah, you could get an abortion or put the baby up for adoption, but is it really worth it to get pregnant in the first place and have to deal with those things? NO. And what do you think your PARENTS would say? You've gotta realize that it wouldn't only screw up your life, but their's. The people who love you and care about you.

You REALLY need to stop messing around. I'm just glad I don't know any 14-year-olds who do things like that--all of my friends who are 14 are smart, respectable people. And oh, I'm sure your mom or dad or whoever IS your parent or guardian wouldn't be too proud of the fact that you've given hand jobs, blow jobs, been fingered and given two tit wanks. Go focus on your non-sex life and your education, because right now you're just being gross and immature.

Again, sorry if this sounds harsh. I'm just trying to lay down the real facts for you and get you to realize that you need to turn your life around.

Am I a Slut?????????????????????
okay.. so i am in my junior year of high school and i absolutely LOVE high school until i made a couple of mistakes.....
ok. so i went to a party the whole school was invited to [ except freshhmann ] cuz they ruin all the funn.
anyway... even like maybe 20 or 30 college guys were invited. We had lots of booths set up [well it was more like rooms with titles over them ] and one of them said "free sex , 20 minutes with a slut "
since this was supposed to be over BEST party ever and we had no volunteers i decided why not and i was put in the position. [ Normally i wouldnt do this but , i was a bit intoxicated]
so it was 20 minutes before the party,, and they stripped me from my clothes [i was butt-naked]
and they handcuffied me to the bed and my friend took the key. so i was lying there for maybe 10 - 15 minutes and then the party started there was a big line at my door.. and i had high stilettos on and gave lots of blow jobs. lots of guys i knew had sex with me. i had sex i nthat party more than 40 times. the college guys took it to the next level and would put their penis in between my boobs call me a whore/slut and record most of it. one guy gave me oral sex and they recorded the whole thing. [ i was pretty horny at that time so i didnt care] after the party was done my friend took the key and unlocked me.. but one guy wanted more so she handcuffed me again and i gave him a bj and he gave me oral. then after that was done.. i went home. i was feeling pretty good and i started to touch myself thinking of that night. [ thinking of the fact that so many guys had sex with me i just loved it !! ] i wanted more..
maybe a week or 2 later.. i had a doctors appointment. [ i have a doctor where you go to his house and get checked out. [ this was a normal checkup] i put on my sexiest and most revealing dress and i went to him ( my doctor is like 65 years old i think)
i noticed him on the bed [ where he checks patients out ] and his hair was all messed up and so were the covers he saw me and then asked me if i wanted to finish what his last patient started.
i agreed right away and then went to freshen up i removed my dress [ gave him a strip tease ] and then started to undress after i was completely naked . i started to gently put whipped cream on my nipples so he can lick them off and things like that. i put his dick in between my **** and i gave him a bj when his wife came in. :O i was so shocked but horny. and his wife started screaming something at him then ran out. we continued to have sex. when he finally admitted he was only using me for my body and only loved his wife. i told him i didnt care and that he could use me whenever he wants and that im his personal. sex toy. :D i love the fact and now whenever my doctor feels horny i come over and give some of me. i want to know if i am truely a slut. and i will NOT stop what im doing because i LOVEE it.!!! [ i also have sex with guys my age. ]
thanks for your time.
xoxoxoxox
Tiffany

Yes you are (no offence)
maybe you should get some help. As what your doing is immature and stupid.

Is this girl just innocent or is she just a pain c*ck tease? Shes a Christian, virgin but she’s such a flirt?
Basically me and my friend and her are like best friends at the moment were all 17 and we hang out alot outside of school. Basically shes like this model guy she cooks at home picks up her younger brother from school, shes a virgin shes told us and tells us off sometimes when we talk about sex lol saying we should wait till marriage. Shes a Roman Catholic well behaved always does her homework so shes like this really innocent girl. But she does some odd things for a “innocent girl” shes a massive flirt plus one time she literally came out with he **** out. Literally we were all going out and this wasn’t a hot day me and my friend both has a polo shirt and jacket on so it was never hot enough to just wear a t shirt. Then she comes out in this skin tight shirt shes got these like crazy curves got one of the sexiest bodies ive ever seen. Then its unbuttoned not just so we can see a little cleavage but to the extent that you could see her bra. Its so funny because while we were out Father, Mother, Elderly Guy Dog lol everyone with a set of eyes was fixated on her boobs. I remember this elderly women walks by she looks at her boobs and just stares then just looks down in shame it was hilarious.

It was a black shirt and her bra was black so maybe she thought she could get away with it...really in truth if i know what colour bra she was wearing without like taking off her shirt that says alot lol. My friend thinks shes so innocent she doesn’t know that she’s just probably one of the sexiest girls to brace this earth. But im like she MUST KNOW....No girl can leave her house like that and not know not even the over sexual girls would dare go out with there shirt unbuttoned so low but the supposedly “innocent” girl does lol he said she probably just threw something on and doesn’t know. But im like shes a regular girl she knows what cleavage is and she had a whole lot showing and shes not like 5 shes 17. But also she is so innocent though...she’s a virgin 100% we always talk about sex and stuff so im sure about that shes like a strict roman catholic model student at school does loads of chores and stuff at home. She just seems so innocent, always says that she’s going to wait till marriage for sex and we shouldn’t be having sex and were too young lol like a mother. Sometimes when we do talk about blow jobs for example she doesn’t even know what were even talking about see shes so innocent.

But she comes out in like really tight fitting clothing which maybe a stick thin girl can get away with but with a bum like hers a set of boobs like hers its like a show for everyone lol shes turns so many guys heads its so funny. She gets like cars honked at her but shes never had a boyfriend before which is just astounding maybe its because shes so pretty maybe everyone was shy. Shes seems so innocent but then she comes out with practically her **** out and shes so touchy feely always grabbing mine and my friends arms and giving me hugs and all that. Plus she gets so much male attention over her body im sure she must be big headed but she just seems like annoyed by all the attention sometimes lol. My friend always says do you think she knows she’s that beautiful and that we would both bang her in a second if she let us lol her body is just wow what dreams are made of. Is she just an innocent girl or does she know what she’s doing lol clear this up for me and my friend because i think she MUST KNOW as she has eyes lol.

From a girl's perspective;
She probably doesn't know. I mean, you say she's like perfect... no one is. She may have low self esteem or something, and not believe that she's hot. I don't think she's being a c*ck tease but maybe she is looking for attention to prove to herself that she shouldn't have low self esteem.
Of course, without speaking to her i couldn't possibly be certain. But this is all I can gather from what you've said.
See, I know a few people who sound like her, and the above applies to them.
Hope this helps!

Men and women's different ideas?
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed - freshly squeezed orange juice and warm croissants; open presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22 lbs

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk - says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers

10:00 Hot shower - alone

10:50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, crisp, white linen

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

6:00 Alarm

6:01 BJ

6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast - steak and eggs, coffee, and toast - all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several mircrobrew beers en route to the airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (BJ en-route)

9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)

11:45 Lunch - steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon

12:15 BJ

12:30 Play back nine (4 under)

2:15 Limo back to airport (several shots of 12 year old bourbon)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot showing their growlers

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs) on light tackle

5:00 Fly home, massage and teasing, slow, soft hand job by naked Elle Macpherson (bending over showing her growler, naturally)

6:45 ****, shower and shave

7:00 Watch news - Michael Jackson assassinated by Rev Al Sharpton

7:30 Dinner - lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy grass fed rib steak, followed by ice cream served on a big pair of ****

9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall - sized TV as you watch football game

9:30 Sex with three women, all of whom display eager lesbian kinkiness while you rest in between

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 Night-cap BJ

11:45 In bed, alone

11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

LMAO...I really liked that one you definitely get a star because that's about how it is...for the guys anyway. I only wish that's how it was for me with the shopping, massages, etc.